How to Handle People Who Tell You What to Do

Don't let other people direct your life, consciously or unconsciously.

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People who tell you how to act and who to be as if you’re an actor reading a movie script. They’re not the directors of your Life story.... Unless you let them.

You will meet some people in life who derive their power from controlling others. 

Whether it was that 4th-grade teacher who always seemed to start a mental world war 3 over whether Jeffrey spilled his milk on the ground on Thursday. Or, maybe a parent, or a past friend of yours, or an old toxic boss or colleague who got on your nerves. 

It’s one thing to advise or recommend someone to do something, in a professional setting like your boss or a friendly manner like Hey Mark, here’s a typo in your article, or here’s another analogy or image that would go well here...

There are other times where you:

• never asked for their opinion.

• don’t care about that person’s opinion.

• their opinion isn’t about informing or educating, it’s about tearing you down politically in a way they have more power over you. 

Everyone faces this throughout their lifetime and time again. It seems like the bullies always come back, don’t they? Here are 3 main principles I’ve learned that have helped me.

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1. Understand their World View & Mindset

It’s easier to rationalize someone’s hostility if you understand why they do it even if it’s incorrect and you don’t agree with why they do it. 

For example, I remember growing up as a kid in America to first-generation immigrants. Many many times, there would be random moments where a guy driving a motorcycle or car or on the street would yell something at my mom or dad. 

As a kid, I had no idea what this was. I thought my family and I just sucked and were an embarrassment, and for some reason, if all these people don’t like us, the problem must be us, right? 

Wrong. Welcome to racism in America. Understanding this now as a young adult has taught me so much. Now I genuinely feel bad for people who are racist (not as much as their victims). They are complicit in a mind virus that helps see them as superior to others based on skin color, which is the ultimate Ponzi scheme.

Now, when someone says something racist to me, instead of wow look at how this person is attacking me and how should I respond? To now, I just realize they are ideologically possessed, spent too much time on the wrong Facebook groups, and are genuinely hating their lives thinking another group of people is destroying their country when they are the ones destroying their country and lives. 

When you realize this, and not let yourself be triggered, from them being triggered. You deny them the power. You finally deny what someone should’ve done to them since they were kids, learned how to get along with others.

2. Understand How Social Anxiety Programs You to Lose

This may not apply to all of you but those with social anxiety should be mindful. 

If you have social anxiety, your neurobiology is already wiring you to lose. People with SA have much more sensitive and attuned social detectors than the average person. IF you experienced a lifetime of social anxiety, you will do whatever people will tell you to do, out of your pure fear. 

I still remember as a kid the days someone would tell me what to do, my mind would rebel and tell me to fight back, but my body would just follow the orders. 

Keep this in mind, so you can manage your expectations and plan of action. To learn more I speak about this in-depth in my book, Screw Being Shy, under the chapter on learning how to be human. 

3. Stop and Change Your Diet

Now, I’m not talking about eating more bananas. 

I’m talking about changing your diet of information about who’s around you. 

As popular anti-self-help author, Mark Manson writes: It’s impossible to stop caring about what other people think of you. Instead, focus on adding more nutritious sources of connection, love, and quality. 

This is not about focusing all of your mental energy on ignoring what Robert said to you that hurt you. 

This is about focusing all of your mental energy on what’s important here.

This is about focusing on how Robert is a flawed human and choosing to invest your time with better people who are more aligned with your goals and life values. 

Robert might still find a way to put his head in from time to time, but spend the energy on investing in better sources of information and people. 

Conclusion

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