How to Network If Youâre Shy, Introverted, and Socially Anxious
6 tips for shy people to change your whole game.
Donât want to read this? Listen to it instead on my podcast.
Over the years Iâve built a world-class network of some of the worldâs greatest leaders. I went from someone who couldnât talk, faced severe social anxiety every day to step outside of my comfort zone, being able to be myself, and truly changing my life by networking.
But hereâs the thing, I realized most networking advice sucks.
âDonât apologizeâ or âJust smileâ or âAlways be networking.â Most of it isnât made for shy people or those who struggle with social anxietyâŠ
Without further adieu, here are 6 major tips that will take you a long wayâŠ
1. Deal with the Root of Social Anxiety FirstâŠ
or else youâre going to be fighting an uphill battle forever.
Hereâs the reality. Letâs be real.
Nothing I can write in this article will completely change how youâre going to network tomorrow or tonight, more than YOU developing a long-term plan (very hard to do by yourself) and creating a strategy to follow through and systematically tackle every layer of social anxiety from the ground up.
PS. Before we get any further, I would love to highlight a resource Iâve created for kicking social anxiety. Itâs an affordable online course that takes you through every step, day by day, week by week, if interested please check it out here - markmetry.com/program
Because hereâs what happens...
Actively working on social anxiety, when in the middle of facing social anxiety at an event for example is quite possibly the worst strategy that will leave you bruised and in pain for years.
This is what almost everyone who faces social anxiety doesâŠ
Trust me, I did this too for almost a decade. What I learned is...
You are entering an environment in which the enemy (social anxiety) has been training for years and years where you will almost always be outnumbered, out strategized, etc.
Tackle social anxiety before it gets triggered, and you will have more leverage.
2. Don't Rely on Band-Aid Fixes
I remember the first time I realized I was shy was at a college party and got drunk for the first time and I was like wait...I can talk to people freely now?
â
There is no judgment for using a substance, just don't use it as a temporary fix (because it doesn't fix anything), if anything makes it harder later on.
Whether itâs alcohol, a vape, a drug, itâs not the most sustainable option.
Believe it or not, there are ways to teach your nervous system to generate feel-good chemicals yourself without the need to consume a substance, for example, specific breathing techniques like the Breath of Fire. Or by taking a high-quality natural GABA supplement.
3. Seek Other Introverts First
Sometimes we think thereâs nobody like us. We think everyone else can talk and be socially free no problem. If you look up and are mindful of the environmentâŠ
You would realize there are people all around whose facial expressions, body language is very similar to yours and thereâs a chance theyâre also shy or socially anxious.
Make your rounds introducing yourself to all the people who are also socially anxious at the event. Try to see them as a human-based on what you can both relate to, sometimes you see it in their eyes, sometimes you see it based on how they speak.
If it seems like they are not interested in you, realize that some people with social anxiety may give off that vibe unintentionally. Theyâre not uninterested, they could be just very nervous.
Do that enough times and you can start a group conversation with other introverts.
Donât forget, you donât have to be the most social person in the room. Donât underestimate the power of just meeting 1 person. Just one person is all you need sometimes.
4. Be More Interested Than Interesting
I much prefer talking to people about themselves, then I do talking about myself.
I remember getting so anxious before an event, asking myself:
- what am I going to say if someone asks me this 'x' question?
- what if this happens and people find out?
- what ifâŠwhat if..what ifâŠ
When you just focus on YOU, you also focus on Anxiety.
If youâre going to lose yourself, you should lose yourself in the service of other people.
As someone whoâs hosted a podcast for over 4 years. Iâve gotten good at asking people questions. I always try to ask the most interesting questions that let people talk about whatâs the most important to them.
If you can ask questions, and then use that as a gateway to talk about whatâs most meaningful and important, youâll realize the social anxiety goes down by a lot.
5. Write Down a Specific Intention
Itâs easy to get anxious when you have no purpose or intention of being where you are.
Even if letâs say youâre going to a family event. You obviously know the purpose is to be with your family but have you deliberately thought to yourself - what is my individual purpose and intention for doing this?
Journal some intentions before the event, my personal ones:
- make 1 person feel welcome.
- introduce âxâ person to âyâ
- how can I change the way 1 person looks at the world?
You can do this on your notes app on your phone, but research shows physically writing is more effective at creating a long-term impression in your mind.
6. Create Visual Triggers to Make It Easy
A great technique you can use is to intentionally create visual triggers for other people to start conversations with you. While not a long-term solution, this is a great alleviator.
While some of these seem silly, you would be surprised, for example:
- wearing a shirt or sweater that says a phrase or image people can see to start or trigger a conversation with you.
- carrying with you a water bottle everywhere you go so people know you like to stay hydrated.
You can create your own version of this that works for you :)
Sometimes you need to experiment before you find something that helps you.
BONUS:
7. Hold a physical object in your hand to ground you.
Sometimes, I carry with me a smooth rock. The ability to use your physical senses like an anchor can prevent your mind and anxiety from floating away in the clouds.
It might sound silly, but you would be surprised to see how effective it is :)
PS. Before we get any further, I would love to highlight a resource Iâve created for kicking social anxiety. Itâs an affordable online course that takes you through every step, day by day, week by week, if interested please check it out here - markmetry.com/program